Quick post!

I have time for a quick post before I get started preparing for interviews! Semester 7 of college has been packed with a lot of BC/studying/and fun as usually! This time though, I feel like I am nearing the end of my college career. It feels like the end...is there more to come? It is easy to look back at all the laughing, crying, and screaming and think to myself it will all be gone soon :( ...The present seems to be fleeting, and I can't help but think the next chapter of my life and fast approaching. I am thrilled and excited, yet scared and confused. I feel safe knowing I have one more semester here, but I want the semester to go by so I can write new pages to my story. Just yesterday I was looking through my diary and I found memories that I had totally forgotten about! They made me smile, and I realized time can change people's lives by a whole 180 degrees!!! First year seems like forever ago and at the same time some things like going to house practices late at night and having night-outs regularly seem recent...I think I will miss everything and everyone here though it is hard to say when I also really want to move out! :P Oh well, I guess I will see where and how things go! :)

Fool me once shame on you...fool me twice shame on me

Optimism is a dangerous game. As the title implies I have been fooled twice and that too, too many times. And there is a simple reason for this: I am myself around everyone I know. I don't know how to pretend or how to be anyone I am not in front of people. And if there are others like me out there read carefully. Speaking from years of wisdom don't let everyone see the true you. I know this may sounds pessimistic and extremely negative. But let me make my point a little more clear. You will meet many people in this world. And only about 2 or 3, if you are lucky, will truly understand you. If you tell me otherwise I am inclined to say "wow lucky bastard". It's a simple fact of life. And trust me nothing is wrong with you. You can't make true friendships with everyone. But you can value the ones you do met along the way. I mean truly value them and cherish them for being there for you. In the end they matter the most to you. And if you get caught up trying to please people who will never think about you for more than 1 second in the entire day, then this is your wake up call. Don't let them stop you from living your life, move on and you when you break the bondage you can truly be yourself ;) By the way this is all advice to a very dear friend of mine. I hope she reads this...I really care for her!

High on desperation

There is this wall; it is infinitely tall and infinitely wide. I can see through it; it's made of glass. It's not a castle (pun on Castle of Glass - Linkin Park...good song ;) ) , no it's wall and a hassle. A barrier between me and the rest of the world that I can look through. I look and I see the fast-paced life that revolves around me day to day. I put my hands up against the glass. No one can see me. Why? I'm invisible. The neglect is first shocking to me. Can't they see I'm trapped! Don't they care! I want to scream. Just look over here, just once! One glance is all I pray for. Then I see someone, they start to stare as if they see something. They take a step in my direction and then hesitate. I worry. But the look they give me is soft and one of compassion. I only hope they can see me and set me free. I am wrong. They stop turn around, and wander away slowly as if they saw nothing. I lost the one chance I had at achieving freedom. I start banging against the wall! I scream and shout and let it all out (pun on Scream & Shout - Will.i.am ft Britney Spears ;) ). I start crying. I have lost all hope. I don't want to be on this side anymore. I want to cross; I don't want to look at the world through glass anymore. I close my eyes shut hoping that when I open them I will wake up from this nightmare. But when I do open my eyes, I see a little girl kneeling by the glass wall. She has a rock. She starts digging. She looks like she is searching for something. She digs harder and faster. She is desperate, just like me. I am puzzled at the entire situation but I can;t help but root for her aim. I start jumping anxiously. I want to be free. I am forgetting what that feels like. The glass starts to crack. I want to help her, but I only stare at her dedication, and her will-power. I take a step back, the wall starts to crack and she stops to look up at the entire structure start to crack all the way up. She runs away and I run through the glass and break it as I make my way out. I try to follow her to thank the little girl for all she has done. She disappears into the crowd and I never see her again. The people around me go about doing their business not noticing that a huge wall has just fallen down. Nobody sees me, but she did. I know she did. I saw her and she saw me and that is all it takes.

Burn it Down

I should probably not being writing so much in my blog during exams, but I have one last thing to share. Don't build stuff up to burn it to the ground :P . No, seriously, I have been building myself up for the past 2 years in college, and I am not ready to burn it down yet ;)

Lights

"I had way then of losing it all on my own...I had a heart then but the Queen has been overthrown..."

Mid-semester exams have made me realize one thing: I have not reached my final destination. I keep thinking I have to study, I have to get good grades, I have to improve my programming skills, I have to Ace my interviews, & I have to get a good job, the endpoint! I forgot to remind myself, that THAT job is not MY endpoint! I got caught up in the race and I don't want to run. I want to walk through life. I want to enjoy the journey, and I don't want to end my life in only 2 more years.

"And so I tell myself I'll be strong and dreaming when they are gone..."

Na Chhode Yaariyan

It has been awhile since I wrote in my blog. There are many reasons why that is, but to name a few...hmm let's see for one I just have not gotten the time till now, I have not had any new exciting experiences to write about and well lastly, I was busy catching up on my sleep!

But now that is in the past. I want to mention to the readers of this blog that this post is dedicated to my friends. I don't think I would be who I am without them! They inspire me, believe in me, teach me, and sometimes irritate me. But in the end it's all good. They are worth every moment of time I spend with them. Even if it's is right before a big exam! If you are one to ignore your friends when you are stressed about an assignment or big test, I say choose your friend. It will go a long way. You never know when you are going to need that same friend more than anything else in the world! I don't think I appreciate my friends for all they have every done for me. Hey guys you know who you are. Thanks, for being there for me! :)

Dreading Times

These days I have nothing to do. No activity whatsoever. My life is dormant and ordinary. There is no fun and there is no life. I am overcome with boredom, so over the top filled with emptiness that I have nothing left to write. The repeated word that comes to mind is "nothing". THAT is the state of my mid...nothing.

There are a couple of things I can ascribe this state of mind to. One would be the continuous overflow and stress load that I have to juggle and maintain. The other would be the constant doses of disappoint and failure. But on a more positive note I see things looking up soon because the worst part is now over. It can only go up from here.

So peace,
I'm out for now